[Contributed by Kyla Paige]
Hey, Kids!
Are you
- tired of having your mom watch you all the time?
- want to have Daddy home early on a work day?
- miss Gramma and want her to come visit for a few days?
- want to drive to Seattle and eat at the Madison Street McDonalds?
- sit on your mom’s lap whenever you want because she’s not doing anything else?
Well, have I got a swell solution for you! All you have to do is scratch your mother’s eyeball! Yep, that’s it. Simply look the other way and swipe your arm low and behind, catch her off-guard and lovingly give her something the specialists call a “corny abrasion”. Or something like that.
For 36 hours, your mother will writhe in pain and be effectively blind and useless. Sure, she can’t read you any stories, make you hot chocolate, start any videos for you or drive you someplace fun, but she also can’t catch you sneaking chocolate from her secret supply! (Piper discovered this trick. Probably before she was 2.) Gramma and Daddy swoop in and take care of everything. And just when you begin to tire of the new normal, suddenly your Mom will be able to see again.
So kids, give it a try! Just make sure you clear it on everyone’s schedule first. I, for one, made sure my mom would be recovered about 36 hours before her big party. I done good!
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